Yours to Discover

What is the most important activity in life? The most vital learned behaviour?

Learning how to mind your own business…and learning to like it.

Minding your own business is a full-time job.

Why is it important to us to change someone else’s opinion?

It seems very important to have others agree with us. The desire to be understood instead of understanding is how we introduce disharmony into our existence…I’m making a stand…and you must agree with me or I stand alone.

To understand others more than being understood – where you are coming from, speaking up, making your opinion heard – is an important aspect of relationship. But it is not the primary relationship.

The primary relationship…the fundamental understanding that creates the foundation of your very best life, lies in you understanding you.

Until you do you will always feel the urge to commandeer and dominate every conversation with your busyness, your pain, your successes, sicknesses, and struggles…your business. Or you may feel the urge to disengage and withdraw because you feel unworthy of anyone’s understanding.

Whether you seek to be understood, or withdraw because you feel unworthy of understanding are two sides to the same coin.

There is a 3rd option. Embrace both.

Embracing both means that you are willing to examine both sides of the coin. This is how it is done: The urge to have others understand you is replaced by the inner urge to understand yourself.

We are taught to focus on the importance of opinions. We are taught relinquish our personal power to choose…and to fear it. What if we make a mistake?

Because of that, we focus on the opinions of those who believe they’ve got it right. How do we know? Because they tell us so.

Do you fear your personal power?

We haven’t been taught to use our personal power – to embrace our 1st Nature with confidence. We were taught to deny it. And fear it.

Group think. You think?

What happens when we begin expressing ourselves in a manner that demonstrates that we really don’t understand much of anything?

What happens when we fear being alone with our thoughts so much that we fill every silent nook and cranny with activity and noise?

What happens when we feel so unworthy of expressing, as Gary Zukav describes, our authentic power, that we remain silent even when we feel the overwhelming urge to stand up and speak up with honor and compassion?

What happens when we accept other people’s opinons as being much more worthy than our own? When we cannot make a move without others agreement that it is the right move?

What happens when we accept a governing power from outside of ourselves without thinking it through from a perspective of elegance?

After all, who would want to listen to anything you had to say???

Adults with a painful childhood tend to overvalue the opinions of others, especially over our own. This offers the same challenge to any human being, not just to you and I. We are not unique in this respect.

We are so focused on what others think because of our wounding – those painful thrusts of ideas that we have about our own unworthiness. We are certain that if we don’t protect ourselves we will be slammed once again.

The world revolves around us in a fierce way. Consider it like a warrior in the middle of a battlefield – the one who stands, sword drawn, expecting attack from all sides at any time.

If you don’t get there first…form the opinion…make the judgement…do the profiling…make the proper choice…you could be annihalated. This is how you have been taught to value your own opinion over all others…and how the opinions you formed about the world and how it works has hurt you.

You value your own opinion so much that you value the opinions of others too much.

You may have heard the saying, Hurt people hurt people. The other side of the coin is this: Healed people heal people.

By example. Not attack. By compassion. Not contempt. By acceptance. Not opinion.

A field cannot be cultivated if it’s the scene of a continuous battle. A best life isn’t built on a field composed of the dead and dying.

Battleground or farmland? Your choice.

When you use your willingness power and begin to explore your “innards,” you will, as a result, be much more comfortable holding space – sitting in silence, engaging in active listening – for others.

Why? Because your own needs are continuously being addressed in a satisfactory manner by the only person who has the ability to truly care for your mind, body, and Spirit…you. This is why cultivating a relationship with your Constant Traveler, the most honorable, compassionate, and elegant part of you that you can possibly imagine at this point in time, is so important.

Your Constant Traveler is that part that knows how to calm the fearful part of you – the petulant, wailing child-part that takes tantrums and demands audience – that insists on filling every snippit of silence with their stuff.

Essentially, you leave the comfort (or discomfort) of your parent’s home…and become your own Mother and Father. The things that a nurturing mother and a guiding father would give you…you give to yourself.

Companionship. Sanctuary. Deep listening and tuning in to the needs of your mind, body, and Spirit. Permission to play like nobody’s watching and to dream like nobody cares.

And liking it.

Because this is the part of you that encourages thoughtful inquiry, and stands with you when you speak with your authentic power source in mind. I describe it as Inspiration.

Consider minding your own business is one of the best uses of time that you can possibly imagine!

Give yourself the space to hear the voice of your own Inspiration. The flora and fauna of this frontier is perennially yours to discover.

Can you boldly go where no you has gone before?


Published by Paula D. Tozer

I am a writer, poet and singer/songwriter. I am a Toastmaster, motivational speaker, personal creativity coach, and workshop leader. My most sincere wish is to share my words with others, and that we both benefit from the exchange.

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