And I’m feelin’ good…

I’m not rich. I’m happy.

Maybe I’m way off base here but the money I do have leads me to believe that money can make you feel better, for a time, but if you don’t care for you…inside…nothing in this world will make you feel better about yourself.

We hear this all the time. It’s getting to feel like the same poop, different pile, when people say that nothing external will make you feel better about yourself.

In real life, there are no guarantees. What makes one person feel good may never satisfy another person. It is a matter of trial and error.

Considering I’m not financially wealthy (at least not a this time but I am open to the possibility!), I have found that a combo of internal and external things have led to my current level of happiness:


  1. Creating a solid, enduring bond with my life partner and 2nd husband, Mark. He is a huge part of my sanctuary – my soft place to fall, my confidante, my sounding board, my fellow brainstormer, and adventure companion. Being those for him, as well, deepens the experience more than words can describe.
  2. Establishing a deep friendship with the person I call my Constant Traveler. She is the most honorable and compassionate version of myself that I can imagine, at this point in my life. I access her through contemplative writing. This is how the external can support the internal – if not for my husband’s support (the peaceful home we have built together) it would have been a lot more difficult to access the space in which she and I chat.

Caring for others

  1. I have found a lot of happiness, satisfaction, and personal growth in caring for my husband and (now adult) children. Parenting is challenging but you can become a much better person if you choose to be. Being of service in my community is another way to feel good now. Many times we don’t feel good about ourselves because we are focused on what we are giving away (sacrifice) instead of what we are receiving (gratitude). Making your service be about them and not you frees you up to receive the stuff that will truly feel good. Making your interactions about seeking to understand before being understood is life changing.
  2. My critters have been a lifelong external source of serious play, internal peace and spiritual growth. I consider them my furry gurus. Animals have so much to teach us about love. I have come to believe that every animal is enlightened, it is we humans, who entertain the illusion of superiority. We really need them to show us how to live as elegant beings. I love Cesar Milan’s approach to rehabilitating dogs and training people. He says, You don’t get the dog you want, you get the dog you need. Critters invite us to learn kindness, compassion, and courage, through their elegant vulnerability.


  1. Setting goals and achieving them is one of the best ways to feel good about yourself. It begins with a vision. Creativity, the ability to form the vision, is our birthright as human beings. Using our innate ability to dream it up and act it into reality, step by step, is satisfying on all levels.
  2. Fears and regrets hold a toxicity that can sabotage even the most promising life. Nobody who holds a lot of fear or regret feels good about themselves. Fear is energy. It may have physical results, but the origins of our fear begins in our mind. It is the same with regret. Facing your fears in a systematic manner (getting support as necessary) and taking action to put as many of them to rest as humanly possible is the best guarantee that you will feel better about yourself. As we say in my corner of the world, Give ‘er! Then, no regrets.

Let your internal dialogue result in decisive, effective action.

These are a few ways that we can begin to feel good about ourselves today.


Published by Paula D. Tozer

I am a writer, poet and singer/songwriter. I am a Toastmaster, motivational speaker, personal creativity coach, and workshop leader. My most sincere wish is to share my words with others, and that we both benefit from the exchange.

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