A Sure-Fire Recipe for Disaster

  1. Have a hearty bedtime snack.
  2. Watch the news and violent TV shows right before bedtime.
  3. Don’t floss.
  4. Check yourself for new wrinkles and cellulite.
  5. Bring your worries to bed.
  6. Fall asleep watching your bedroom TV.
  7. When the alarm sounds, hit Snooze.
  8. When you get up, immediately check your phone for messages.
  9. Prep your coffee with sugar and coffee whitener.
  10. Consume a bagel with commercially prepared peanut butter or a bowl of fortified cereal for breakfast and top it with flavored yogurt.
  11. Give the kids toaster pastries and apple juice for breakfast. Send them to school with packaged snack crackers, processed “cheeze” and prepared meats. Add a candy bar at the bottom as their reward.
  12. Apply extra strong sunblock.
  13. Purchase an extra-large triple-triple or double-double at your favorite coffee shop.
  14. Park as close to the office door as possible. In the winter, it’s cold and the summer, it’s hot.
  15. Complain about the weather immediately upon arrival at your desk.
  16. Sit at your desk, or stand in place, until noon.
  17. Have lunch with ole MacDonald, the Burger King or Wendy. Wash it down with a soda.
  18. Make sure your friends understand that you wish you had time to exercise.
  19. Fill your 3pm energy slump with a craving-reducer like a double chocolate donut or a bag of M & M’s.
  20. Complain that all the kids eat now-a-days is junk.
  21. Leave your desk only to pee or refill your coffee mug.
  22. Complain to the cashier at the grocery store about the price of vegetables and organic produce.
  23. At home, graze on a cookie as you prepare meat (beef or chicken) and potatoes for dinner.
  24. Have a couple of glasses of an alcoholic beverage, or soda, with dinner. Wash it down with more cookies.
  25. Explain to your social media friends one more time why you are too busy to take the dog for a walk.
  26. Stash your bills because you need the money to buy gifts, or smokes.
  27. Share sad stories and videos, or “I bet you won’t respond” posts, or political garbage on social media.
  28. Argue with strangers on social media who don’t agree with you, or better still, block them.
  29. Binge watch violent shows or movies.
  30. Pick a fight with a loved one or resume an old feud.
  31. Tell yourself one more time that you don’t have friends.
  32. REPEAT.
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Published by Paula D. Tozer

I am a writer, poet and singer/songwriter. I am a Toastmaster, motivational speaker, personal creativity coach, and workshop leader. My most sincere wish is to share my words with others, and that we both benefit from the exchange.

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