Are you a card person? Do you send actual paper cards to someone on their birthday? At anniversaries? Christmas cards? Cards for Get Well, Friendship . . . Thank-you, Thinking of You . . . cards conveying thoughts and best wishes just for the heck of it?
What if sending a card to someone makes them feel sad, because something from you makes them remember someone else who has passed on, someone they associate with you? And so, your greeting does not bring happiness, but suffering instead?
Would you rethink your tendency to send greeting cards?
When someone who was well loved and thought of with happiness for their full life and vibrant character passes on, a curious thing happens. All of that changes. At least it can, if we are not careful.
If we were to carefully examine our thought process in this regard we would realize that from this point on every thought that we have of that person has an association with their death instead of with their full, vibrant life. As soon as you hear that person’s name you feel sad. Their name makes you feel like crying instead of smiling at the last foolish joke they told, or the wonderful conversation they had with you that time at Pizza Delight . . . or how they spent their time on earth helping other people.
You associate that person with death. Man, what a bummer.
I am not saying that this happens all the time. Sometimes we can let grief and missing a person play itself out and what is left is the good stuff. We once again associate them with happy memories and good times. We know this because their name now begins to make us smile once again.
It does take time and effort, sometimes, to get to this place, but it is well worth it.
I know this because I wondered . . . what would that person say, if they could convey how they wish the ones who will always love them . . . to remember them?
The wonderful conversations and those hugs . . . don’t they deserve to stay? The last time you laughed together at something so silly that you nearly peed yourself? And that New Years eve party where everyone hopped around and danced like fools in your living room until dawn? Doesn’t that make you grin?
We all have our happy, well loved memories that bring the grins. I think they would say that those smiles . . . those are too important to waste any more time on than absolutely necessary by thinking about anything . . . or doing else. I know mine are too precious to me.
My best wish for those who know me in life will not change once I pass on . . .
Smile. will ya?